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sharpieblade
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PostSubject: blonde jokes...   Fri Nov 10, 2006 4:13 pm

Of all humor I really dont like blonde Jokes ALL that much BUT, here are a few that at least make me chuckle when IM really mad. And one other note, I dont have anything against blondes and I dont believe the stereo typing!


Q.A blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who lands first?
A. The the brunette, the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

There was a blonde, a brunette and a red head standing around and they found a lamp. A genie came out of the lamp and said "ladies look into this mirror and tell me what you see. If I think what you say is wrong you will be sucked into the lamp."
The brunette say "I think Im utterly beautiful" and she get sucked in.
The red head says "I think Im clever" and she gets sucked in.
The blonde says "...I...Think..." and gets sucked in.

The was a Russian brunette and an American blonde talking and the brunette says "my country was the first to go into space". So the blonde says "well my country was the first to the moon and we WILL be the first to the sun!" The brunette says "Im sorry but that is impossible. You would be burned alive!" So the blonde replies "Dont be so stupid! We are going at night!"

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Read below
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Read above

What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?
They are both Brainless, Blonde, and made out of plastic >sorry to Britney lovers!<

Q.How does a blonde kill a fish?
A. She drowns it.

Q. How does a blonde kill a bird?
A. She throws it off a cliff.

Q.What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q.Why do blondes wear tight skits?
A. TO keep their legs together.

One morning a blonde was getting in her car to go to work when she noticed something horrible! She ran inside and called 911. She told the operator that some one had stolen everything in her car! The stole the steering wheel, dash board, the peddals! The operator told her not to panic and go out and inspect her car and an officer would be on his way. The blonde went back out and noticed something else! She ran inside and called 911 and this is what she had to say " Im sorry I need to cancle my last 911 call. I was in the back seat"

There were two blondes walking down the street and they found a compact mirror. One blonde looks into it and says "this girl looks really familiar..." and hands it over to the other blonde who says "DUH! dummy! thats because its me!"

Two blondes were driving to disney land when they saw a sign that says "disney left" so they turned around and went home.

A blonde went to her hair dresser wearing a walkman. The hair dresser asks the blonde to take it off, but she refused insisting that if she did she would die! The hair dresser snatched the head phones off her ears and the blonde died. The hair dresser listened to the head set and heard "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out"


Okay okay okay thats all you get
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PostSubject: Re: blonde jokes...   Fri Nov 10, 2006 7:39 pm

lol, The genie one had me laughing for a good while Razz
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PostSubject: Re: blonde jokes...   Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:25 am

Although I used to be blonde..I still find these jokes hilarious.

I thought I'd share some blonde jokes as well..

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"

Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Yea ok I'm done. lol Anywayz, I always found those funny..my cousin made one up but I can't think of it at the moment.
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PostSubject: Re: blonde jokes...   Mon Nov 27, 2006 7:26 pm

This one is rather ironic but... just read it!

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."
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PostSubject: Re: blonde jokes...   Tue Dec 26, 2006 7:19 pm

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5.00, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.



*not too sure if she really came out seeming like a "blonde" in the end . . . she did walk away $40 richer*
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PostSubject: Re: blonde jokes...   Sun Jan 14, 2007 1:40 pm

A blonde came up to a railroad track and saw a brunette jumping up and down on the railroad track saying "43, 43, 43!". The blonde, thinking that looked like fun decided she'd join the brunette. Still having no idea why the brunette was doing that. So the brunette and the blonde are jumping up and down and saying "43, 43, 43" when all of a sudden a train's heading towards them. So the Brunette quickly jumps off, while the blonde is still jumping up and down and saying 43.
The blonde gets knocked over by the train, and after the train has gone, the brunette jumps back on the railroad track, jumping up and down and saying "44, 44, 44!".

---
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

---
A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action.
The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff.
Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!"
The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"

----
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."
"No, from all that skipping."
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PostSubject: Re: blonde jokes...   Sun Jan 28, 2007 3:01 am

wayoutgirl wrote:
*not too sure if she really came out seeming like a "blonde" in the end . . . she did walk away $40 richer*

I thought that was a cute/funny one. Very Happy Oh, and don't you mean $45? -Smurt blondie- Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: blonde jokes...   Sun Jan 28, 2007 8:44 am

Nope, I mean $40 ... dont forget

"The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. "

She won $50, and payed out $5 twice = $40 ... Razz
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PostSubject: Re: blonde jokes...   Thu Feb 01, 2007 1:26 am

....Right. Guess I'm blonder than I thought.
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PostSubject: blonde jokes   Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:08 am

I happen to be a blonde and I still find these jokes so funny XD

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
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PostSubject: dumb blondes   Fri Mar 14, 2008 8:55 pm

A blonde walks into a bar and sits next to the bartender who was btw watching the 11:00 news she sits next to him on the screen there was a guy about to jump the bartender said to the blonde i bet he will jump the blonde said i bet he won't the guy jumps.Then the bartender said i have a confession i watched the news at 6 the blonde said i did to but i didnt think he would do it again Laughing
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